Pauline

We ordinarily think about special schools as having particular value for students with acting-out behavior. Special classes and special schools, however, also provide environments where students with internalizing disorders feel safe and can flower.

Pauline entered the school bedraggled. Tall and slender, she hobbled in more like a wounded crow than a graceful swan. This was Pauline's first day in a special school for students with emotional and behavioral difficulties. She was now 14 years old.

For the past three years in secondary school her life had been a story of daily trauma. Due to her height, she had very quickly become the butt of jokes among her peer group. The jokes led to bullying—verbal taunts and eventually physical attacks. Teachers tried to intervene, but always the hunting pack of students would seek out its prey, and Pauline would again fall victim to abuse from her peers.

Pauline changed from being an outward-going student of average ability, always eager to contribute in class. She became withdrawn, pale, shoulders hunched, frightened to speak or to be spoken to for fear of ridicule. When teachers, unaware of the peer pressure she was suffering, urged her to play a more active role in class, she became distraught. School was no longer a safe place; Pauline began to play truant. When her parents discovered this, they forced her to attend school daily by taking her there themselves. This caused Pauline physical distress to the extent that she would vomit. Her peer group turned on her even more, barring her from entering the bathroom when she needed to be sick (pretending, if a teacher passed by, to be helping her).

Pauline's emotional state did not cause her to display aggressive behavior, but it certainly reflected a disturbed child who found her whole school environment disturbing and alien. Such was her mental state that she began to underachieve in all lessons. There were suggestions from teachers that she had specific learning difficulties. She was certainly suffering from curriculum malnourishment. The curriculum diet she was receiving was failing to give her any sustenance. She was failing to thrive in her school environment, merely existing as a lonely, hyper-anxious, vulnerable child. She had lost her dignity.

At the instigation of the educational psychologist, an alternative placement was sought in a special school for students with emotional and behavioral difficulties. As the weeks passed in the special school, Pauline began to make contact with the teachers. She would never speak in class, but after a lesson ended, she would hang around to discuss some point with the teacher. Teachers were soon convinced that she did not have any significant learning difficulty.

Her attendance was good. Gradually, the dreadful pallor began to fade; her eyes lost some of their traumatized glare. She eventually shared with the school counselor the extent of her personal pain and anguish over the previous three years. She described it as "a daily nightmare." She had found the secondary school of 1,500 students totally disorientating. Once her peer group abandoned her, she described herself as "floating in a sea of people," none of whom she recognized, or who recognized her.

In the small special school of 40 students, Pauline found peace. She learned to trust again—first adults, and then fellow students. She became an active participant in classroom learning experiences, no longer the peripheral onlooker. Her capacity to care for others became clear, and she befriended many isolated individuals.

Her time at the special school was short. She left at the age of 16, and not all problems had been solved by far. Three years of lost education cannot be regained in two. New situations or change still caused Pauline anxiety. But when she left the school, she had a renewed sense of self-worth. This "restrictive environment" had been her safe haven; it had given her back her dignity.

1. How would you respond to someone's argument that Pauline belonged in a general education class in a general education school, not the special school?

I would explain that Pauline was traumatized by her school experience, and she is now suffering from high anxiety due to the experience. I would also explain that anxiety is not easily remedied in a loud and crowded space such as a large school. However, the small school setting could help her learn in an environment in which she feels safe. I would further explain how research shows that children in survival mode have a great deal of difficulty learning

2. If you were a teacher in a general education school, how would you respond to bullying of students like Pauline?

I would advocate on Pauline’s behalf by suggesting the administration really does something about the bullying problem instead of making it worse. I get so frustrated with administrators who say if they do something about bullying, it will only cause more problems for the victim (oops – tangent). I would also suggest that a respect policy be devised, implemented, and practiced in the school as seen on the behavioral supports video we watched in class. In the classroom, I would make sure Pauline felt safe and would not tolerate any bullying, teasing, or belittling. If I saw that Pauline was uncomfortable with anything I asked of her, I would not push her and would allow her space. I would also build a relationship with Pauline so that she would be more comfortable in my classroom.

3. What would be required to make all schools small, supportive, and inviting places for students like Pauline?

They could make the classes smaller, hire more staff, stagger schedules for students (begin and release times for classes could be staggered), split the classes in the cafeteria to prevent overcrowding, and schedule restroom breaks. This would not have to be done for all of the students, just for students who are overwhelmed with crowds and noise, i.e. Pauline, students with an ASD, students with high anxiety, etc.

Bully Teacher

I am so angry with the school because a teacher has been exiling Damien from the classroom WITHOUT a pass due to another student saying, “He makes me uncomfortable.” His IEP specifically states that if he gets stressed, the teachers are supposed to either make concessions for him as providing him a place to pace or if the students complain, send him to content mastery, so he can pace there.

Instead, she sends him out of the classroom without a pass leaving him vulnerable to getting detention for being out of the classroom without a pass. She violated the IEP, therefore, she broke the law. I feel this would have been the perfect opportunity to have Damien teach the students in the class about autism.

Instead, she backed up the thoughts that there is something wrong with children with autism, and they are something to be scared of. I feel that the repercussions of the media’s Sandy Hook lashout toward people with autism has finally reared its ugly head. I was expecting to see it soon, but I did not think it would be from a bully teacher.

Damien begged me not to call the school and refused to tell me which teacher it was. I respected his wishes and did not call for a couple of days, but the more I thought about it, the more I decided that they are just bullying Damien for being himself, no other reason. I never believed a teacher would back up a bully.

We have worked far too hard to have Damien accepted by his peers. He has taken himself from being considered low functioning to now being considered high functioning. He has advocated for himself time and time again, but because he likes this teacher, he is afraid to say anything. Now, this teacher has undone 15 1/2 years of work. I will not stand for it.

That other student will continue to marginalize, bully, and be frightened of children with autism. I will not stand for that.  It is a disservice to both Damien and this other child to treat Damien as something to be afraid of.

I called the special education counselor, and she assured me that this will be remedied as soon as possible. It better be.

School Lunches & Bullying

Yesterday, Damien let me know that he has not been eating at school because the new rules are that they are to eat outside. I sent an email to Xxxxxxx Xxxxxxxx, the counselor for the SPED Department, about it.

Ms. Xxxxxxxx,

It has come to my attention that Damien has not been eating at school anymore. He has been going through the day without lunch. I asked him why, and he has told me that he is not able to get away from the crowd  and cannot eat when he is in a crowded area. When he was in Xxxxx [middle school], Damien was given preferential seating at lunch for the same reason. We took that out of his IEP due to him being able to choose where he sits for lunch. Now, because of the new rule, he can no longer to choose to sit away from the crowd at the school. The result is him coming home with a headache and starving. It is beginning to affect his ability to concentrate, and I am afraid that his education is going to begin to suffer as well. He has told me that he is not the only student that has stopped eating for the same reason. However, my concern is for my child and his well-being. Ms. Xxxxxxxx, we do not have the monetary funds to send Damien's lunch to school with him on a daily basis as due to my present unemployment. I do feel that the additional stress on Damien is negatively affecting him. Is there anyway that he can begin to eat lunch outside again to eleviate his stress level? He has used this time to de-stress and pace since he has gone to school at Xxxxxx. I have talked to some of the teachers at Xxxxxx that know Damien, and they have told me about his daily pace (de-stress) sessions. Please help him with this issue.

Thank you,

Pamela N. Brown

Today, I received the following response:

Mrs. Brown,

I was unaware that Damien was not eating.  Thank you for letting me know. I contacted Ms. Xxxxx [the principal] and she has agreed to allow Damien to eat outside. She will let the Associates be aware and allow him to eat outside.

Tell Damien to come see me if there is ever a problem and I will help correct it.

Have a great day.

Xxxxx Xxxxxxxx
Special Education Counselor  
Xxxxxx High School
(XXX) XXX-XXXX ext. XXXX

Also, Damien told me that Ms. Xxxxx [the principal] spoke to him, and reassured him that he can eat outside as needed. I am so glad when the faculty at the school address our issues and agree that the main objective of us all is for Damien to have the opportunity to get the education that he deserves.

On a different note, I have learned that Damien is still being bullied at school. As I mentioned in the above email to Damien's counselor, Damien uses lunch as an opportunity to de-stress. As a child with autism, the method is seen in stimming rituals. Damien's is to walk in a circle, specifically, at school, it is around one of the trees at school. He has been pacing around this tree since he was a freshman in high school.

One of my friends that I went to university with is a special education teacher at the school. She told me that during Damien's freshman year, she noticed he was circling that tree every day at lunch. She said that the tree had grass around it, but by the end of the first semester, Damien had worn the grass away. She went on to tell me that by the end of Damien's freshman year, there was a small trench around the tree, and by the end of his sophomore year, the trench had grown in depth. She said that she was not a least bit surprised to see Damien circling the tree at the beginning of this, his junior, year.

My friend was not the only person to notice this, as we all know, a routine is easily recognized by observers. One day, a group of football players circled the tree and started pushing Damien, laughing at him for circling the tree, and calling him "retard." One of these boys' teammates, approached the group and told them, "Stop it. That is not cool. Damien is a nice guy and far from being retarded. He is the smartest kid I know, a lot smarter than all of you."

Damien was more excited that this classmate of his that he has developed a relationship with over the years took up for him than he was upset about being bullied or picked on, but my heart is still broken over the way people continually treat my son. Damien did say that one of the boys approached him the next day and told him, "I'm sorry I was so mean to you yesterday. I feel just awful about the way I treated you, and there is no excuse for the way I acted. I have learned not to judge people because they are different." Now, Damien does not only have one person to take up for him, he has two. According to Damien, no one has treated him that way since.

Tragedy In The U.S.

My mind was still reeling from the local news reports Friday  morning. On Thursday morning, local business man drew a gun on police officers that resulted in his death. I responded by saying, "This can't be happening here. Not in this town. You hear about this kind of thing happening in larger cities, but not here." The more I thought about it, I realized that it does happen here; and we have been directly affected by it.

Several years back, a gang war erupted in our small city. A young mentally disabled child was killed by gunfire, and the war grew out of hand. My husband and I were shopping with the children in the local mall when the battle came to it's peak. There was fighting, and guns and knives were being waved around as we tried to protect our boys. The stores closed their doors locking us amidst the violent altercation. All my husband and I could do to protect our boys was back them into a corner and shield them with our bodies. Officers soon got the skirmish under control, and we were directed out of the mall. I never realized until now, that it was a good two years before I would walk through those mall doors once again.

Though it was a horrifying experience, I never thought that I would hear of a person shooting at police officers in my town. But, it did happen, and the result was the loss of the life to the local business man along with the discovery of 131 firearms and 63,000 rounds of ammunition. The gunman's family members are in mourning, and the officer who had been left with little choice but to fire back is undergoing the required treatment for officers that take a life. Two families are in turmoil because of this needless altercation.

My mind was still reeling about the battle that ensued on the other side of the freeway from my home. I thought of how lucky we are to be safe from gun violence when the news broke about Newtown, Connecticut. I cannot begin to imagine how the parents must feel. As I watched the news in terror, tears flowed freely from my eyes. Those poor innocent babies, teachers, and faculty ~ Charlotte Bacon, Daniel Barden, Rachel Davino, Olivia Engel, Josephine Gay, Ana M. Marquez-Greene, Dylan Hockley, Dawn Hochsprung, Madeleine F. Hsu, Catherine V. Hubbard, Chase Kowalski, Jesse Lewis, James Mattioli, Grace McDonnell, Anne Marie Murphy, Emilie Parker, Jack Pinto, Noah Pozner, Caroline Previdi, Jessica Rekos, Avielle Richman, Lauren Rousseau, Mary Sherlach, Victoria Soto, Benjamin Wheeler, and Allison N. Wyatt.

Today, the news is still engrossed with coverage for the horrifying massacre. My heart aches for the family and friends of the children and faculty of the small school, as it aches for the family and friends of the gunman. We could never understand what drove him to draw one of his four guns on the students and teachers ending their lives. What traumatic event did this young man undergo to make him feel the need to take the lives of others? It was recently released he was the victim of bullying at a school he attended. Could this be the reason for his mental anguish?

I am further horrified at the probable repercussions toward children and adults with autism due to guessing game the media is irresponsibly playing about the possible mental health issues the gunman may or may not have had. I have extensively researched, bipolar disorder, ADHD, Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD), and Reactive Attachment Disorders (RAD) both in University and through my employment as a Child Protective Services Investigator. Each of these four disorders are often misdiagnosed, meaning a person with these disorders exhibit traits with another one of these disorders. I find it hard to believe that this man had an ASD, as children with an ASD are less likely to be violent toward other people. For a matter of fact, most people with an ASD are likely to be law abiding citizens and have a need to follow laws and rules.

If people with autism do exhibit violent tendencies, it is more likely to be in the form of a self-injurious behavior or an INSTANTANEOUS outburst due to SUDDEN frustration and stress. They are not likely to plan out a violent event. The truth is, no one is certain whether this man had any of these disorders because diagnoses can be incorrect; but it is more likely that it would have been a disorder that a symptom is a risk taking behavior such as ADHD, RAD, or bipolar disorder. I want to make it quite clear that I am not saying all people with these disorders are dangerous. Anyone, even people with no history of mental illness or mental health issues, can snap, just as they all can be perfectly fine.

My fears are founded as my son with autism has worked so hard throughout his life to be accepted, and now, we fear that people are going to treat him like there is something wrong with him because of the media's quick response to put the blame off on autism. Just to think that all of these 17 years of hard work for my son could be all taken away because of one man's actions and the media's misrepresentation of autism breaks my heart.

Regardless, it is clear that something is very wrong with this country. While I was learning of our local gunfire incident, I also learned of the mall shooting in Oregon, where Cindy Ann Yuille and Steven Forsyth lost their lives. Then, of course there is the Newton incident on Friday. Saturday, California was rocked by the gunfire at an open air mall where twenty shots were fired in the air luckily not hitting anyone. Sunday night, two police officers, Corporal David Gogian and Jeff Atherly, were shot in the head and killed by a gunman in the parking lot of a grocery store in Kansas. This shooter has lost his life in another standoff with police officers in Topeka, Kansas. In November, a thirteen year old girl, Lourdes Guzman, was shot and killed in front of her seven year old sister on a private school bus in Florida.

We, as a country, still have not healed from the Sikh Temple shooting in Wisconsin where Bhai Seeta Singh, Bhai Parkash Singh, Bhai Ranjit Singh, Satwant Singh Kaleka, Subegh Singh, and Parmjit Kaur Toor lost their lives. We still have not healed from the Aurora theater shooting where Jonathon Blunk, Alexander "AJ" Boik, Jessie Childress, Gordon Cowden, Jessica Ghawi, John Larimer, Matt McQuinn, Micayla Medek, Veronica Moser-Sullivan, Alex Sullivan, Alexander Teves, Rebecca Wingo, and the unborn child of Ashley Moser lost their lives, as well as the numerous people injured (Petra Anderson, Adan Avila, Brandon Axelrod, Tony Billipando, Christina Blanche, Maria Carbonell, Alejandra Cardona-Lamas, Louis Duran, Craig Enlund, Alex Expinoza, Jacqueline Fry, Yousef Gharbi, Zachary Golditch, Munirah Gravelly, Eugene Han, Jay Jenkins, Bonnie Kate, Jasmine Kennedy, Marcus Kizzar, Patricia Legaretta, Brenton Lowak, Ryan Lumba, Caleb Medley, Ashley Moser, Stephen Moton, Joshua Nowlan, Pierce O'Farrill, Prodeo Patria, Rita Paulina, Christopher Rapoza, Carli Richards, Dion Roseborough, Carey Rottman, Lucas Smith, Heather Snyder, Ferrah Soudana, Catherine Streib, Jamison Toews, Denise Traynom-Axelrod, Marcus Weaver, Michael White, David Williams, Allie Young, Jansen Young, Samantha Yowler, Gage Hankins, Mckayla Hicks, Stephen Barton, Nickelas Gallup, Evan Farris, Jennifer Avila, Jarrell Brooks, Amanda Hernandez-Memije, Kelly Lewis, Bonnie Pourcian, Anggiat Mora, Ethan Rohrs, and Nathan Juranek).

These are only a few of the violent shootings that have rocked our country and ripped at the hearts of mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, and friends country wide. I have no answers as to what should be done. I have no clue what motivates people to take the lives of innocent people. I do know that all of the people who have fell victim to such violence need to be remembered because once we realize that this could have been us, and it could be our families suffering, then, and only then, can we do something to attempt to end the violence.

 

Original Poem by Isha Jade

Facts About Autism:

Mind Retrofit ~ UPGRADING TO THE ASPERGER'S LIFE

Autism Links

Autism Support Network

The National Professional Development Center on Autism Spectrum Disorders

Stephen Shore

The Autism Site

An Alien In Our World

The Unconventional Foundation for Autism

Centers for Disease Control: Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASDs)

The National Institute for Neurological Disorders and Stroke

What Autism Isn't

ABC News: Experts: No Link Between Asperger's, Violence

Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.” (NIV Matthew 19:14)

Bullying in Headstart

Originally posted on April 16, 2001

"Damien got his hand smashed with a shovel at school!

I have had many talks with the teacher about Damien being picked on at school. I do realize that he is different and may bring some of this on himself. However, I am tired of him getting beat up on a daily basis. He is only five years old and in Headstart! I went to the principal's office this morning and explained to her what is going on. I told her that I DO NOT send my child to school to be unsupervised. I just want him to be safe!

Damien has run off from school twice and nobody noticed! Enough is enough. I have been up there twice during recess to look for him.

Damien had an appointment, so I went to pick him up. The teachers were all in a little huddle talking and did not know where he was. I had to go find him. This was one of the times he was missing. He was outside of the fence looking for ladybugs.

Damien has stated to me that every time he gets hurt, it is on the playground. He says he tells the teacher, but she does nothing. When I picked him up on Friday, his finger was very swollen, black, and infected. He has been on anti-biotics every since. The teacher thought that since he did not cry, it was not serious. I have told her numerous times that he doesn't cry, even when he is hurt. He hasn't cried in a very, very long time.

When I arrived to pick the kids up from school, the teachers seemed upset with me for talking to the principal. What else was I supposed to do? They are obviously not doing any thing about it."

Over the years, we have had to deal with consistent bullying like this. What breaks my heart is that it has been going on since Damien first started school. We are currently in Damien's thirteenth year of school, and the bullying has not stopped. For a matter of fact, Damien was recently targeted by a child with firecrackers that were thrown at his head, and he has had milk thrown on him after teachers learned that the girls (yes, I said girls) in his Bible class had set Damien up to be kicked out of the class. They told him to tell the teacher a dirty joke. He did not understand or recognize the words in the joke, so he told the teacher the joke. It was after Damien was suspended that the truth came out, and the mark was removed from his permanent record.

Well, I hate that the bullying has not stopped back. It did stop once, and that is when he was in middle school. Damien became so angry from being bullied in gym that he punched the locker. When he did, the locker dented. Although the boys did not bully Damien and Dylan for the remainder of the year, I found myself at the end of another heated discussion with the principal, who warned me that next time he will make us pay for a new locker. I responded that I feel I am not responsible for the damage to the locker, that the principal, himself, was responsible. I told him that I am sick and tired of him telling me, "If we do something about the bullying, the bullying will just get worse." This was not the first time that we heard this. We had also heard it from the three different elementary schools that my boys attended.

Unfortunately, the bullying has extended over the years to Dylan as well. It has put a strain on the relationship between the two brothers. Dylan has difficulty with Damien's foibles, and he does get embarrassed from time to time. Sometimes, I have to remind him that the behaviors stem from Damien's autism, and I also help him recognize how Damien has grown and matured over the years.

I do agree with Dylan that it is not fair that people pick on him because his brother is non-typical. Being the sibling of an non-typical sister myself, I can totally relate to how Dylan feels. But, as a mother of a child with autism, I do not feel it is fair that Damien is treated the way that he is either, nor is it fair to DJ and me.

Bullying affects all of us, and we all have to remember that no matter how difficult it is for us, we have no clue as to how it effects Damien. It is difficult for him, especially when he realizes that he was set up or taken advantage of. With that being said, I am very proud that Damien has decided that he is okay with his eccentricities and has decided that he will be himself now and try not to worry about what other people think of him.

Inspiring Staff Writer

Damien is a staff writer for The Cooper Crest, his high school news paper. This is his third year working on the paper, and his articles have always been well written. However, none of them can compare to the article he most recently wrote. For those of you who don't know or have not figured it out yet, Damien is autistic. {I know that it is not politically correct to word the sentence that way, and I should say a teen with autism. However, Damien has educated me on that as well. He said, "You cannot take the autism out of me because it is part of me. I am autistic." So, please, do not take offense that I talk to my child and about my child in the way he wishes me to.}

Anyway, being autistic means, that we do not always see the emotions that fuel my child. He does not express himself in the way that most neuro-typical people, or as Damien puts it, humans do. That is why this article has touched me and brought tears to my eyes. For someone who cannot express his emotions through his voice and the words that he speaks, he writes with an eloquence that evokes emotions in the reader; and his written words give us a glimpse of the emotions welling deep inside Damien.

Here is his article:

"Assembly Was Inspiring

My impression of the assembly that former NFL player Keith Davis performed on Oct. 10 was that it was quite inspiring.

He made me realize just how low my self-esteem is. That is something that a lot of people in my life have brought to my attention, but it took a pep talk from my parent and a motivational speaker to allow me to realize it. Like he said, I had a bad first half. Definitely not as bad as some people, but a bad one nonetheless.

But Davis told us about our second half, that we shouldn't allow these bars to keep us from reaching our dreams, that we have great potential, as big as our dreams, and that we should fulfill them no matter how bad our first half was.

He told us we have a chance at a good second half as long as we bend the bar, like he did, and move forward, whether our bar was just the kids who bullied us, our drug-addicted mothers, our bad lifestyles, or being incarcerated all your life. Our second half is the only part of the game that matters, not our first half.

When he told us about his life, I'm sure it inspired many people, how he overcame his father dying, his mother becoming an alcoholic, and us just seeing the stage where he is now. He told us his bad first half, but we could see his great second half.

Just where he was and where he is now are not the same. I know that I'm better than the way I look at myself. The only reason I treat myself the way I do is because I don't feel like I'm worth anything. In retrospect, the assembly made me feel better about myself. I am better than what some people at school, and I, look at me as." (Damien Brown, The Cooper Crest, October 15, 2012, Volume 53, Number 1, Page 5)

As a mother reading how much my child is hurting because of the bullying he has endured, I had to fight back the tears this story brought to my eyes. My heart aches for my child every single day. I worry as most other parents do, but I feel sometimes I worry a little more about Damien. I worry that his self-esteem issues will keep him from excelling to the man that I know he can and should be. I work hard to encourage this wonderful child that I have been blessed with. His autism is not a curse, but his self-esteem is.

With that being said, I am very inspired by Damien. He does see his self-esteem as a curse, and he is working hard to overcome that barrier. He is now 'bending the bar' and continually fighting against everything that he has been told. Damien is taking my advice, and I am proud that he listens to that advice. "When they say you can't, you prove them wrong." Damien, I am sure your second half is going to be something that will inspire others.

Articles on autism and bullying:

School Bullies Prey on Children With Autism
Why Autistic Kids Make Easy Targets for School Bullies
Combating Bullying
Almost Half of Teens with Autism Bullied: Study